A Final Thing on Funerals (for now)

This week has been bookended by funerals. On Monday it was a funeral mass for my aunt Margaret where the parish priest of Holy Redeemer in Bray reflected on the post-resurrection story of Emmaus in his homily. He reminded me that the disciples recognised Jesus only after he broke the bread and left their presence. It struck me that there is a tragic age-old truth in this.

Sometimes we recognise people best only in their passing.

Only when they have left us do we call to mind those things we loved about them. Only then do we find the space to leave behind past grievances and old enmities. In their leaving we know them at their best. We did this with Margaret on Monday. We told stories of her at her best and reminded ourselves of what we loved about her. In a sense Margaret was remade for us in her passing.

Today, Friday, I attended another funeral, that of a partner in our Skainos development. He was a representative of government and had been working with us for several years and was a frequent visitor to the office. Indeed he phoned me several times and left voicemail for me and visited the office on Monday while I was in Bray. He  died suddenly on Monday night leaving a void.

I only knew him as a civil service engineer, by training and temperament. Discussions and debates with him and his colleagues were often complex, fraught and sometimes unending, but always courteous. And always professional. Only sometimes, on leaving the office we snatched sentences about personal stuff, so I knew he had a son who attended Summer Madness.

Today I learned that he loved to plan his family holidays. That he was learning to cook. I discovered that he enjoyed the outdoors, and captained the Queen’s Graduate football team.He was an elder in his church and was preparing for a bible study when he died.

Today I learned that he was married for 24 years and was a faithful husband and good father who enjoyed wrestling with his kids on the floor.

He had two brothers.

He was born in Glenavy.

I learned that he had a good eye for line and colour and enjoyed painting.

I knew Neville best in his passing. His funeral humanised him for me and showed me the man behind the professional. It strikes me that I need to make that effort more while someone is alive. Each person is more than the role they fulfill.

God be with Johanna, David, Lauren, Michael & Andrew to comfort them in their grief.